If Countries were Animals...

Updated: Aug 2, 2020

Extracting a half decently interesting piece of writing from my brain tonight is proving a tough task. I thought I was on to something with an idea about countries and which animals they were most like, for example maybe France could be paralleled with a skunk… kind of interesting looking, kind of cute, but sometimes quite smelly. Maybe America could be the coyote… loves to hunt in the desert, quite fast & inventive but unfortunately motivated mainly by food/resources and looking to expand its ego. But then I realized I was channeling Warner Brothers Loony Toons and should probably re-think my approach!

But it is a fun idea to play around with. Which country could the dung beetle represent? Those amazing little creatures are crazy strong, they cover massive distances pushing a weight that is much bigger than their own body weight and they can sustain themselves entirely from the ball of dung they are pushing along. The human equivalent would have to be some elite survivalist, ultimately fit and needing nothing but the nature surrounding it to survive. What country could that be? Some lonely but strong place that needs nobody else… Russia? After all, Napoleon and Hitler both failed at a Russian invasion because of the harsh conditions that only the Russians seemed able to survive. They are a country with plenty of natural resources, and seem to be able to make vodka from a surprisingly vast array of different sources. I once heard they can also make champagne from powder, although I’m not sure how true that is, I may have had a glass or two too many! I’m not sure how the Russians would feel about being likened to a dung beetle, but I like the resemblance, so let’s keep it for now.

What about Greece, a beautiful holiday destination with picturesque beaches, relaxing resorts, no strenuous schedules, afternoon naps, lots of fresh seafood, sun loungers and waiters to attend to your needs… Cats! That has to be our homebody felines surely! What a life they live! Sleep all day, seafood supplied upon demand by servants, lounge around on the sunny windowsill, no stress here! But wait a second… talk about split personality! We all know it can be a nanosecond between having a lovely time with your affectionate fur baby and then suddenly being involved in a battle of epic proportions for seemingly no reason at all… What did I do wrong Felix?? We’ll never know, but he is sinking his teeth into your hand, clawing your face and smashing all the crockery over it whatever the reason is! Don’t mess with the Greeks!

Well this isn’t a bad game to play is it, you could probably entertain yourselves with this for quite a while on a nice, long road trip somewhere. We should probably be a bit careful though making fun of different countries at the moment! I just found myself making parallels between China and ants because of their worker mentality and everyone working for the collective good, as well as protecting the ‘Queen’…obviously the ‘State’. But I probably shouldn’t worry too much; after all it’s quite a noble way to live really isn’t it? All for one and one for all. Oh well, world war three is coming anyways by the looks of things, so it’s all bound to change!

Maybe the next comparison I could be making is between cockroaches and the entire planet. After all, cockroaches never seem to die and always survive whatever is thrown at them. They live off of whatever is around, don’t care how dirty and horrid the environment is and are a very simple life form. Is this an accurate parallel for life after WW3?

Or we could just strike a deal with the Murder Hornets of Asia and get them to take out all of the heads of state that are preventing us from achieving world peace. In return we’ll give them all of the Trump Towers. After all, he wouldn’t need them any more. Deal?

13 views0 comments